An unfortunate circumstance
I hate that even though I’ve lost 30 pounds I don’t feel or look any different. I recently went to prom with the boy that I like. Looking at pictures, all I see is fat. I see myself standing next to this gorgeous kid and I just want to scream. Why am I kidding myself that he would like a girl like me? At our home school, girls are falling all over him. If only it weren’t for those fucking mixed signals. I don’t even know if I would feel better if I knew that he didn’t like me. Fuck.
I can’t stand another year of this. I’m so tired of being fat. I just want to be happy with myself. It seems so unattainable. I have never met another person that is trying to achieve a goal as extreme as mine. I just wish I could wake up one day and be happy with how I look. I’ve always wished that. Maybe one day it will happen. Until then, I’m stuck.
Goals for this Summer
My summer starts on May 13th. Only a week and a half to go! I plan on starting P90x again from Day 1 on May 16th. I’ll do it everyday until August 16th. I really want to see what the results of the full cycle will look like. I think once summer starts, I may start working out twice a day. So that would be P90x plus swimming, running, bike riding, or anything else I can come up with. I’m pretty excited to do this. After I finish P90x, I’ll probably do the Biggest Loser “Last Chance Workout” as a break for a month. Then I’ll probably do p90x again, except I’ll do doubles, which is a slight change in the workout.
In other news, I feel super gross. It is Hell week this week and Finals week next week. That means I don’t workout and eat like shit because of the stress. I’m looking forward to it being over. I miss working out.
1 week until prom
I think I’m going to crash diet. Yeah, I don’t exactly support that for any long term situation or as your main way of dieting, but I have only a few days and I don’t want to feel gross. Therefore, I’m going to do it. Besides, my form of crash dieting isn’t that hardcore.
It’s hard to work-out when every time you put on shoes that aren’t flip flops your toe gushed blood…
UPDATE
So, I haven’t updated this in a while. Maybe I should get back into the habit of doing this. Anyway, I broke the 200 pound barrier a while back. I just never posted it. I don’t know my exact weight. I think I’ll most likely weigh myself next week. Then I’ll tell you guys where I’m at. So yeah, I’ve lost over 35 pounds… maybe into the 40 pound range. I guess I have like 60 pounds to go. I feel like I don’t look any different but other people tell me that they can see the change. Also, I think I am going to start P90x again on Tuesday. My toe can just deal with it; it has been way too long since I last worked out.
Also, today is the day that I decided to give my friend Haley my tumblr url. She will be the only person that has ever known my true weight. Seriously, I have never told anyone how much I weigh and no one has ever found out. This is big for me. I trust her, though. So now I will text her and send her my url. I love you, Haley. Thanks for being one of the biggest supporters of my weight loss. Over 35 pounds down :)
Hey, guys. It’s me :)
Well, Darn.
I crushed my toe and broke my finger on Friday. I can’t workout for at least a week. I’m pissed.
Today was my first day of Week 2 of P90x
Feels good, man.
P90x Day 5
Today was legs/back/abs. It was brutal. I sweated a ridiculous amount. I did it with my friend Megan. She weighs like 30 pounds less than me but I can do it better than her. Just because someone is skinnier than you doesn’t mean they’re in better shape. Anyway, I’m happy that I worked out. It made me feel better about eating pretty crappy.
Tomorrow, I’m getting up at 9 and going to the gym for like an hour. Then I’m doing the 6th day of P90x. So stoked.
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